Participate in the end of suffering

I recently re-discovered this 2006 article by Tim Sanders (author of Love is the Killer App, one of my all-time favorite books). It had a significant impact on me at the time, and again today. I'd love to know what you think.

I believe that our mission in life is simple: Participate in the end of suffering. If we reduce suffering in the world, we enable the positive. We make a difference. You cannot make people happy and you cannot make them like you. You can, however, be a part of the solution instead of being part of the problem. Suffering is everywhere waiting to be addressed. It comes in physical and mental forms from hunger to uncertainty.

Happiness is like a ray of light that sits just beyond the dark clouds of suffering. When those clouds part our joy shines through. We only get glimpses of this light because there is so much suffering in our lives.

Think about it, your greatest energy comes from your innate desire to end suffering. If you are bored, you find great energy to deal with that. If someone you care about needs something, you find it in yourself to give her your very best. This mission I suggest, the end of suffering, comes from your true nature as a compassionate being.

It is truly possible to unify our intentions and to align with others based on the mission we select in life. Currently, we have so many varied (and often selfish) missions that it is no wonder we think we are not like “them” and find ourselves largely divided.

When you choose the right mission, it gives you advice at every turn of your life. At work, your mission should tell you the difference between right and wrong and where to spend your time (and energy). Trying to achieve a vague professional mission is like trying to operate a business without a plan. It is difficult for you to separate your mission between personal and professional. How you are successful during the day is who you become in the evening. Conversely, your personal mission should guide your behavior towards your family, friends and acquaintances. If you find one mission that successfully guides you throughout your whole life, you have a blueprint for success. If your mission is aligned with others, you have a blueprint for community and cooperation.

It is my informed opinion that the most effective leaders in the world focus efforts towards the end of suffering. They are first are foremost happy and proactive in defending that happiness. They are sensitive to others’ feelings and possess a connected form of emotional intelligence.

Think about this over the next few days. Ask yourself, “Do I have a unifying mission that guides me?” Then question, “Can I offer something towards the end of suffering or do I mostly create suffering?” You may decide to join me in my mission.

If you accept this mission, you must first address suffering in your own life. You need to make room for the needs of other people by dealing with your own. This is the road to self-reliance and peace. If you accept this mission, you will find yourself opting out of behaviors that could make others suffer, because you would “know better” as a result of your new focus on the end of suffering. If nothing else, just do an inventory in one week of how much suffering you created versus how much you addressed. The better you do, the more you are living on purpose.

Your friend, Tim Sanders

With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair

I ran across Mumford & Sons a few weeks ago, and this song has stuck with me. The haunting feel of the music in cooperation with the inspiring lyrics worked for me. I'd love to hear what you think about it.



And after the storm,
I run and run as the rains come
And I look up, I look up,
on my knees and out of luck,
I look up.

Night has always pushed up day
You must know life to see decay
But I won't rot, I won't rot
Not this mind and not this heart,
I won't rot.

And I took you by the hand
And we stood tall,
And remembered our own land,
What we lived for.

And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.

And now I cling to what I knew
I saw exactly what was true
But oh no more.
That's why I hold,
That's why I hold with all I have.
That's why I hold.

I will die alone and be left there.
Well I guess I'll just go home,
Oh God knows where.
Because death is just so full and mine so small.
Well I'm scared of what's behind and what's before.

And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.

And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.

Favorites of 2010

I'm a sucker for lists, and for "best of" lists specifically, so for the last couple years I've put together a favorites lists of my own. Here are my Favorites of 2009, Favorites of 2008, and More Favorites of 2008 (I was apparently very happy with '08).

Following is the list for 2010, heavily influenced by our move this year from Columbia, Missouri to Seattle, Washington.

Breakfast: Top Pot Colossal Apple Fritter

It's no secret that our family is in love with Top Pot Doughnuts (my currently problem fitting into my jeans is evidence). I haven't had a bad donut at Top Pot, but my personal favorite is the Colossal Apple Fritter. At the risk of offending (and knowing a true blind taste test is virtually impossible) it beats my previous favorite fritter: Schulte's in Jefferson City, MO.

Snack: Nutella & Pretzels

Not much to explain here. Nutella (hazelnut + cocoa spread) is freaking awesome.

Dinner: Real Seafood

I didn't know fish could taste this good (no offense, Captain D). Scallops and crab are on the top of my list for taste. For the combination of price and taste, I'm currently stuck on Ivar's White Clam Chowder (see aforementioned shrinking jeans).

New Album: Arcade Fire, Suburbs

I actually haven't listened to a ton of new music this year, and compared to the last couple years of new released by huge artists (U2, Dave Matthews), it was a little quieter, at least for me. Suburbs was constantly in the background in my office this fall.

(Runner up: Mumford & Sons, Sigh No More)

New to me Albums: Johnny Cash, At Folsom Prison and At San Quentin

First off, this is just a great record with Cash at his best. But what impacted me more was the story behind this and other prison albums, and Johnny Cash's passion for the underrepresented throughout his life and career. The guy was famously imperfect, but imperfect in a way that I find myself wanting to be. When I listen through this album, I want to be a better person. I call that pretty darn good art.

At the risk of writing a full Johnny Cash post, I also recently ran across two Cash articles this year that I really liked: Johnny Cash Gives You the Finger and Johnny Cash's Complicated Faith. According to Bono, "Every man knows he is a sissy compared to Johnny Cash."

Tourist Destination: EMPSFM

The Experience Music Project Science Fiction Museum has been a must see for any visitors we've had in town so far. EMP is an incredible mix of hands-on music experiences, traditional museum fare, and a room of audio and video interviews with hundreds of musicians. SFM is a visual feast for Trekkies, Star Wars geeks, and Battlestar nerds.

Runners up: Friday Harbor, Woodland Park Zoo, Golden Gardens

Addition by Subtraction: Wal-Mart

I haven't stepped inside a Wal-Mart since April. Though I sometimes miss the cheap "one-stop-shop" of the Supercenter, I've enjoyed coupon clipping and grocery store ad scouring, and we've recently discovered Fred Meyer (which is basically the West Coast Wal-Mart).

Runner up: Car #2

Media Getter: Netflix

We survived solely on Netflix over the summer, ditching cable for a few months to save cash as we got settled in (that lasted until Week 2 of football season). Particular love Netflix streaming for Wii. Netflix for iPod Touch is great, too, though I was surprised I liked it. There is something that feels a little powerful about holding an entire library of movies in my hand. I'm just sayin'.

View: Our Bedroom Window

It's pretty exciting for a small town Missouri kid to have a mountain view from my house (even if it's just a couple inches of the Olympics).

Game: Pokemon

I haven't really played many video games this year, and nothing new comes to mind. But I've had fun playing Pokemon with the kids for the past couple months. It's fun and mildly addictive - the perfect combination.

Potential 2011 winners: Wii Fit Plus, Ticket to Ride

Blog: rapping by Bill Cox

Dr. William C. Cox was my childhood preacher, and he remains the pastor of First Baptist Church in Nevada, Missouri (over 30 years). He started blogging this year, and I really like his stuff. It's straight forward, a little folksy, and as unpretentious as I would expect.

Proudest Sports Day: Mizzou vs. Oklahoma

This doubled as my Most Homesick Day, as we enjoyed the festivities in Columbia afar. ESPN GameDay on Mizzou's campus was beautiful, and it only got better seeing Facebook and Twitter photos from friends all day long. It was topped off by an incredible win against the then-#1 team in the country. A great sports day.

Runner up: Chiefs vs. Seahawks at Qwest Field - cheering for the visitors.

Event: A Real Date with Janelle + Brandi Carlile + the Seattle Symphony

We've not typically been big "going out" people over the years, so this was a great experience. We hired a real-life, paid babysitter, dressed up, went out to dinner, and then saw an incredible concert. My highlight of the show was seeing how excited Janelle got when Brandi Carlile first took the stage. Awesome.

Runner up: Whale watching in Northern Washington

So there we are. 2010 in a favorites list. Here's to 2011!

The art of non-comformity

I had never been to a book signing. It just never really occurred to me, and my previous opportunities had been limited. I also don't read all that many books, so combining a book I've read (or plan to read) with the author visiting nearby has been, to this point, relatively rare.

I received The Art of Non-Conformity as a gift and was supposed to wrap it myself for our tree, but instead I took

it to the signing. (I'm sure Aunt Sandra won't mind that I got the book signed. Maybe I'll wrap it before Christmas. Probably not.)

I've followed the author, Chris Guillebeau, for the past couple years. I've posted before about his online manifesto, A Brief Guide to World Domination, and his blog was my favorite of 2009.

The book signing event was fun. First off, it was at a bookstore in the University District, an area of Seattle we haven't visited yet. We keep finding these separate pockets of life in the city, and this one will be fun to explore in the future.

The event itself was bigger than I had expected. There were 100+ people there, and I ended up in Standing Room Only, leaning against Stieg Larsson novels with the others who showed up right at 7pm. The crowd was "varied"

in a Seattle way - mostly white, hip-looking vegetarians, but ranging in paleness and widely in age).

My take-home from the event was this: Trade efficiency for adventure. We tend to work very hard to increase our efficiency, but in doing so we often fill the created void with additional busyness and "soul-less" efforts. In my own life, I'm often looking for the most efficient way to complete my list of tasks, so I can then move on to my other list of tasks, complete that list, and then start on a new task. Guillebeau asks me to consider a new perspective altogether. I like being asked to do that.

The author has completed a 53-city tour to every state in the U.S., and he's heading to Canada in January. In our current social-networking-as-relationship world, and Chris's work as a blogger, a more obvious choice may have been an online campaign to support the book. That he purposely set up an inefficient, "Unconventional Book Tour" underscores the concept of the book.

So this will likely be my "over the holidays" read. What about you? Expecting a book for Christmas?

The comfort of discomfort

This is a repost from an article I wrote for Experience MHGS in October. The original can be found here. I wanted to keep a copy of the post on this blog as well:

Missouri is all I knew. I was born in Kansas City and raised in a Mellencamp-style small town. Janelle and I met as Southern Baptist summer missionaries, married right after college, started a family right away, and bought a house in a college town to live out our days rooting for the Tigers and volunteering in the church nursery.

We had talked about a potential move someday – maybe to the coast, or to Tolkein’s Rivendell. But that desire had been pushed to the background over the years, as babies and car payments and career ladders and mortgages became the norm. I had a stable government job, and everything in our life – including our lives themselves – were fully insured against loss. We had a retirement plan, college funds, and a Camry. We were set.

Then something happened. I think it was a combination of disenchantment with the comfort we worked so hard to create, and concern that – in our early 30s – we had made all the life decisions there were to make. The suburban life of routine (complete with its cocoon of safety) was the end of the line. We had won the race.

Unfortunately, it didn’t feel like a win. More importantly, we didn’t want the race to be over. We became uncomfortable with the comfort.

Janelle’s journey toward graduate school was the catalyst for change. MHGS had been on her radar for years, but more as a dream than a potential reality. As we re-entered the discussion of a potential move, we quickly got excited and terrified at the realities of actually moving 2,000 miles away from home. There were grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, and friends to consider. Our financial comfort was based on a Midwest cost of living, not Seattle. We just bought a house. I worked in Missouri.

We dove into the process, figured out the logistics, and made the move. It wasn’t easy, but we had a ton of help along the way. The house sold almost immediately, even in a down market. I found a job where I work from home full time. Our cat slept 4 days straight during the drive from Missouri to Seattle.

Now, 5 months into our new life in Seattle and 5 weeks at MHGS, I can’t imagine any other life for our family. Discomfort is a regular part of each week.

It’s hard.

I love it.

What I learned at BrickCon 2010

I talk a good talk when it comes to "playing hard," but in reality I don't do it. I bury myself in responsibilities - some necessary, but many of my own creation - and rarely give myself the time to truly play. And when I do play, I struggle to separate from those To Do List items the little voice in my head tells me I should be getting To Done.

This weekend the kids and I attended BrickCon 2010, a convention for Lego enthusiasts. By enthusiasts I mean every level of interest, from casual to fanatic. I was amazed by the devotion of time, effort, and financial resources on these little plastic blocks. At the same time I was impressed with the creativity of the builders, and with how much fun everyone at the event was having. The smiles on the faces of the visitors, convention organizers, and exhibitors seemed authentic. The line outside the convention to get in as we were leaving was a testament to the value of fun.

Play was happening inside. Oversized displays of the White House, space ships, a grand piano, and gigantic insects lined the walls, complete with “Please Don’t Touch” signs as their only protection from curious fingers. The hall included Build-Your-Own areas packed with kids of all ages, sitting shoulder to shoulder, creating whatever they wanted and displaying it for all to see. When I asked my kids their favorite part, this was it. They got to make their own art and show it off with all the rest.

For a couple hours I felt it - the value of play, of taking a break from the real and self-developed concerns of life to immerse in creativity and fun, with fun itself as the end game. As often happens, though, once I got home I was quick to fall into worries again. (Insert your favorite expletive here)

The inspiration of BrickCon will stick with me, and over time I see a future where I can play as hard as I work, and value fun as much as my resume-building accomplishments. It has happened before, in small moments over the years, both as a kid and an adult. I’m optimistic that I can see play not as an escape from “real life,” but a vital ingredient of a life that is real.

I'm convinced I can find that place of rest, of fun. Adults with the maturity to act like children provide the inspiration. I look forward to BrickCon 2011, and between now and then plenty of imperfect steps along the way as I find ways to play.

And suddenly...

Everything there is to know about writing is taught in elementary school. When my son was in kindergarten last spring, he came home with this gem.

"If you get stuck when telling a story, just say, 'and suddenly...' Then something will pop in your head."

So certain. So wrong.

So I'm at Borders in the airport, and overheard a conversation between co-workers.

Hipsters 20s Dude: Look at this passage in this book. I can't believe it got through the editor. "...and then none of them was chosen for the position." It's ridiculous!

Bored co-worker Girl: Mmm-hmmm.

Dude: It's just crazy. Don't they read the book before they sell it?

Bored Girl: Hmmm.

Of course, Hipster Dude was incorrect, as the sentence is written correctly; to his credit, it does sound strange. (Thanks, 6th grade English class!)

What struck me that day is how often I am so certain about things and make a big deal about how ridiculous something is, without ever realizing that I'm wrong. So certainly wrong.

It gave me pause to chill out a bit before going off on my next rant.

(But don't worry, there will be plenty of certainly wrong rants to come, but at least I'll share them after a slight pause.)

One fine week in the Emerald City

The first week in Seattle has been fun, tiring, and awe-inspiring. Notes and quips from the first few days:

• 9 days in Seattle. 1 day of rain. No complaints, but a little surprised. Maybe Seattleites are whiners. Or maybe it's a conspiracy to keep Midwest hicks from moving to Seattle. Didn't work.
• 3 words: Top Pot Donuts. Wow.
• I may be colorblind, but I can see the green here. And the sunsets.
• In our neighborhood (Queen Anne - woot!), the streets are...well...cozy. Parking is allowed on both sides, which means every two-lane road acts as a one-lane road.
• The KC Royals just fired their manager. Again. I think it's about time to become a Mariners fan. The stadium looks great from the outside, and it's apparently a great place for a nap.
• I've never seen a Carnival-type cruise ship up close before. They are bigger than I ever imagined. And louder.
• I can walk 2 blocks to a non-Starbucks coffee shop. There are 7 Starbucks within a mile of our house.
• The "Seattle Chill" is a myth, at least from my experience so far. People have been as kind as any city I've been in.
• The music is great here, but FM radio is hit-and-miss due to the terrain. I still miss BXR
• Some things cost a little more (gas, local grocery store stuff), but I've been surprised that a lot of things don't (Pizza Hut, Sam's Club, K-Mart)
• On a clear day I can see the Olympic Mountains from my bedroom window.
• It sometimes feels like we're in Europe. We have an "English garden" in the back yard, everyone is walking and biking through the city, and there is water everywhere.

It's a beautiful place.

Never mix up your right foot with your left.

I was born in Kansas City, raised in small town Missouri, and graduated from Mizzou. My life is changing significantly this week, as we move from the known (Missouri) to the very-much unknown (Seattle, Washington). In the scurry and scatter of preparations, it's been tough to put the move in perspective, and even tougher to feel the feelings of the imminent changes for myself and my family.

During packing I ran across one of my all-time favorite books, and it seemed to help express back to me some of my own hopes, dreams, and fears as we start this new chapter in our life.

If you haven't read Oh the Places You'll Go! by Dr. Seuss, or not in awhile, I highly recommend it. Enjoy.




Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You're off to Great Places!
You're off and away!

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy who'll decide where to go.

You'll look up and down streets. Look 'em over with care.
About some you will say, "I don't choose to go there."
With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet,
you're too smart to go down any not-so-good street.

And you may not find any
you'll want to go down.
In that case, of course,
you'll head straight out of town.

It's opener there
in the wide open air.

Out there things can happen
and frequently do
to people as brainy
and footsy as you.

And when things start to happen,
don't worry. Don't stew.
Just go right along.
You'll start happening too.

OH!
THE PLACES YOU'LL GO!

You'll be on your way up!
You'll be seeing great sights!
You'll join the high fliers
who soar to high heights.

You won't lag behind, because you'll have the speed.
You'll pass the whole gang and you'll soon take the lead.
Wherever you fly, you'll be the best of the best.
Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.

Except when you don' t
Because, sometimes, you won't.

I'm sorry to say so
but, sadly, it's true
but Bang-ups
and Hang-ups
can happen to you.

You can get all hung up
in a prickle-ly perch.
And your gang will fly on.
You'll be left in a Lurch.

You'll come down from the Lurch
with an unpleasant bump.
And the chances are, then,
that you'll be in a Slump.

And when you're in a Slump,
you're not in for much fun.
Un-slumping yourself
is not easily done.

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.
Some windows are lighted. But mostly they're darked.
A place you could sprain both you elbow and chin!
Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in?
How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And IF you go in, should you turn left or right...
or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite?
Or go around back and sneak in from behind?
Simple it's not, I'm afraid you will find,
for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

You can get so confused
that you'll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place...

...for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or waiting around for a Yes or a No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a sting of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.

NO!
That's not for you!

Somehow you'll escape
all that waiting and staying.
You'll find the bright places
where Boom Bands are playing.

With banner flip-flapping,
once more you'll ride high!
Ready for anything under the sky.
Ready because you're that kind of a guy!

Oh, the places you'll go! There is fun to be done!
There are points to be scored. there are games to be won.
And the magical things you can do with that ball
will make you the winning-est winner of all.
Fame! You'll be famous as famous can be,
with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.

Except when they don't.
Because, sometimes, they won't.

I'm afraid that some times
you'll play lonely games too.
Games you can't win
'cause you'll play against you.

All Alone!
Whether you like it or not,
Alone will be something
you'll be quite a lot.

And when you're alone, there's a very good chance
you'll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.
There are some, down the road between hither and yon,
that can scare you so much you won't want to go on.

But on you will go
though the weather be foul
On you will go
though your enemies prowl
On you will go
though the Hakken-Kraks howl
Onward up many
a frightening creek,
though your arms may get sore
and your sneakers may leak.

On and on you will hike
and I know you'll hike far
and face up to your problems
whatever they are.

You'll get mixed up, of course,
as you already know.
You'll get mixed up
with many strange birds as you go.
So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great tact
and remember that Life's
a Great Balancing Act.
Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your right foot with your left.

And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and 3 / 4 percent guaranteed.)

KID, YOU'LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!

So...
be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea,
you're off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So...get on your way!

--Dr. Seuss